Fruit of the Loons
by Davner
Summary: The son of Xellos and Filia is....a punk?


Hello. This is yet another lost fic I found when I retrieved my computer from back home. I hope you like it. Slayers is the property of Kadokawa Shoten.  
  
Fruit of the Loons  
  
  
  
"Filia san.I have a confession to make."  
  
The golden dragon looked from her tea and glared suspiciously. "A confession?"  
  
"Yes," Xellos said with difficulty. "I'm afraid I haven't been honest with you for a long time."  
  
Sitting next to Xellos at the table, Amelia squealed. "Oooooooooh!!! Mister Xellos is finally going to do it!"  
  
The rest of the group looked at her.  
  
"Um.Do what?" Lina asked, pausing in the destruction of an entire breakfast to ask.  
  
"He's finally going to admit that he loves Miss Filia!"  
  
The rest of the group hit the ground hard.  
  
"He had better not!" Filia cried, climbing into her chair again. "The last thing I want is for some filthy namagomi to be lusting after my pure, virginal body!"  
  
Xellos snorted. "Yeah.like YOU are a virgin."  
  
Filia growled and pulled her mace, but Xellos raised his hand.  
  
"That's beside the point," he said. "I really do have a confession to make."  
  
The dragon sighed. "Very well.What is it?"  
  
"Do you remember six months ago you made a comment about my Mazoku heritage, so I pulled your hair?"  
  
"Oh, I remember this!" Gourry exclaimed. "You pulled Filia's hair so she turned into a dragon and leveled a town."  
  
Filia put her face in her hands. "Th.Thank you, Mister Gourry."  
  
"Anyway," the Mazoku continued. "Well.I.I took a few of the hairs.and.Um."  
  
"Spit it out!" Filia cried.  
  
Xellos took an unsteady breath. "Combined them with a couple of my hairs and.Well.The long and short of it is that you have a son, Filia!" He smiled brightly.  
  
Filia turned dead white. "What?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"A.A son?"  
  
"That's right." Xellos told her. He took a deep breath. "SCOOOOOOOOOOTT!!!!"  
  
Suddenly, a boy who looked about eighteen years old with gold and purple hair appeared next to the Mazoku. "Jeez, Dad! You don't have to yell!"  
  
Filia's eyes went wide.  
  
Then she fainted, falling out of her chair and to the floor.  
  
  
  
She opened her eyes and saw Amelia leaning over her. "Oh.Oh, Miss Amelia.I had the most horrible nightmare," she whispered. "I dreamt that I had a son.with XELLOS!"  
  
"Um.Miss Filia," Amelia began nervously.  
  
The dragon blinked and saw Amelia point to someone nearby. That boy, wearing a simple outfit of a short sleeve shirt and pants, was talking to Lina and Gourry.  
  
"So then, me and Thagar are like, 'Hey! Back off! 'Cause we don't speak Shinzoku! Or something.' And they're like 'Dude!' And we're like 'Yeah!'" He nodded. "It was pretty killer."  
  
"So.You're the son of a Mazoku and a Ryuuzoku?" Lina asked, still finding it hard to believe.  
  
"Yeah. Dad here raised me since I was a little bundle of evil."  
  
Xellos smiled and mussed his hair.  
  
"C'mon, Dad, don't make me look lame in front of the mundanes," Scott complained quietly.  
  
"Wow, Xellos!" Gourry said in disbelief. "I didn't know you could even have a kid."  
  
"We Mazoku take pride in raising our children, Mister Gourry," Xellos told him proudly. "We feel it's important that they be taught good, Mazoku values."  
  
"Yeah, Dad and I always do stuff together," Scott assured them. "Like that time we torched that village! Oh, man! That kicked ass!" He raised his voice and mimicked a woman's voice. "Ow! Ow! Don't kill me! Or something!" He stopped and grinned. "One day I'm gonna do that with MY kid."  
  
Filia was on her feet in a flash. She grabbed Xellos by the arm and pulled him to the side. "How...DARE YOU?!" she hissed.  
  
"What?" the Mazoku asked innocently. "I'm not going to be a dead- beat dad, Filia san. It's important that he learns first hand what his parents do for a living. That's why I brought him here."  
  
"What are you talking about?!" she hissed back.  
  
"I want him to know who his mommy is!" Xellos announced grandly. "He has a right to know."  
  
"This.This.MAZOKU.is not my child!"  
  
Scott snorted. "See? Told ya, Dad. She doesn't want anything to do with me."  
  
"Now, that's not true, Scott," Xellos told him sagely. "Filia san just needs a few minutes for this to sink in."  
  
"Phhht! She doesn't want me," the teenager retorted. "Oh sure. The golden dragons preach about love and understanding, but they can't accept one of their own that happens to be a little different."  
  
"That's not true," Filia breathed.  
  
"Hey, it's okay," Scott told her. "I know when I'm not wanted. I'll just go back to spreading the plague or something." He turned to go.  
  
"Wait," Filia begged. Scott turned back to her. "I.I suppose.Maybe I just." She stopped and tried again. "Would you like some breakfast?"  
  
  
  
"So.Scott." Filia began, pouring some tea into the Mazoku/Ryuuzoku's cup. "Are you in school?"  
  
"Graduated," he told her proudly. "For my final exam, I had to show them I was capable of taking evil backstabbing to new heights. So I killed my instructor. Gave myself an A." He grinned.  
  
Xellos mussed his hair again. "That's my boy!"  
  
"Jeez, Dad, quit it," he whispered again.  
  
Filia bit her lip. "Oh.Well.Do you have any hobbies."  
  
Scott opened his mouth.  
  
"That don't involve torturing people!" Filia amended quickly.  
  
He closed his mouth and shook his head.  
  
"Oh." She tried to think of something to ask that wouldn't involve an answer that would give her nightmares. "Ah! Do you have a girlfriend?"  
  
"Well.There's Brianna."  
  
"Brianna?" Filia perked up.  
  
Xellos folded his arms over his chest. "You KNOW I don't approve of Brianna." he commented.  
  
"Oh, come on, Dad!" Scott whined. "She's a perfectly nice girl."  
  
"That's exactly my problem with her!" Xellos snapped.  
  
"Who's Brianna?" Amelia asked.  
  
"She's a Black Dragon," Scott told her. "She's pretty cool. She's into some of the same hobbies I am.You know.the ones I can't talk about." He looked meekly at Filia.  
  
"Well.um.As long as YOU like her." Filia said with a smile.  
  
"You should marry within your own caste," Xellos told him.  
  
"I don't have to do everything your way, you know," Scott bit back.  
  
"Don't take that tone of voice with ME, young man!"  
  
"Well," Filia interrupted, trying to regain control of the conversation. "Do you know what you want to be when you.well.grow up?" she asked.  
  
"Well.I kind of like animals," Scott said. Filia beamed. "I thought I could be a hunter."  
  
The dragon hit the ground.  
  
"An evil hunter?" Xellos asked.  
  
"I guess. I don't know. I thought I could be the guy who.like.butchers cattle."  
  
"An evil butcher?" his father asked.  
  
"....YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!!"  
  
"What?!" Xellos asked innocently.  
  
"You're always pressuring me to be just like you!" Scott cried. "Sometimes it's so much.I.I just want to blow up something!...Again!"  
  
"Scott, you're behaving like a child," Xellos warned.  
  
"Maybe because I'm six months old! I hate you! I wish I was never magically spawned in a chimera vat!" With that, he got up and disappeared.  
  
"Scott!" Filia cried.  
  
Xellos shook his head. "He can be such a baby sometimes."  
  
  
  
She found Scott outside standing on the shore of a small fishing pond. "Scott?" she called out, unsure of how she was supposed to act. Supposedly, this was her son, but he was also a Mazoku. The golden dragon was so confused. "Are you okay?"  
  
"You know, I'm always hearing about how evil my dad is. What a horrible, disgusting creature he is, and all the mean, hateful things he did during the war."  
  
"It must be hard to hear those things," Filia said sympathetically.  
  
".And, yeah, I admire him for it," Scott finished. Filia sweatdropped. "But I'm also constantly hearing about how I'll have to take over for him one day and run the family businiess." He sighed. "I'm not even sure I WANT to do that."  
  
Filia felt a thrill of hope. "Well.What would you LIKE to do?" she asked him.  
  
He sighed again. "I don't know. I mean, yeah, killing stuff is fun, but I'm not sure I want to make a career out of it. You know," he said quietly, "Once, when I was roasting this guy over an open fire, I felt..bad."  
  
"Um.That's called 'guilt,' Scott," she told him.  
  
His face scrunched up in disgust. "Eww." he commented. "Guilt sucks ass."  
  
"Well," Filia tried again, "Your father brought you hear to see what I do.Why don't you see if you like that?"  
  
"You mean, like, be a priest and preach about love and stuff?" He seemed skeptical.  
  
"You can do whatever you want, Scott," she told him seriously. She thought this might be the last chance she could to win him over. "If you don't like what I do, there's lots of other things! You could ask Miss Lina what it's like being a sorceress or Mister Gourry about being a mercenary."  
  
Scott blinked. "Well.Okay." He smiled. "I'll give it a shot."  
  
  
  
"JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL OVER ALL!!!" Amelia cried, posing theatrically.  
  
"Um..Yeah!.Or something." Scott echoed.  
  
"Okay," Amelia said, reaching out and lifting his arm a hair. "Now point outward, as if to the setting sun and hold your chin up."  
  
"Okay, no prob!" Scott told her. "Like..JUSTICE RULES!" he cried.  
  
"JUSTICE IS WONDERFUL!" Amelia cried out, posing next to him.  
  
"JUSTICE..LIKE...DOESN'T SUCK!"  
  
"JUSTICE WILL ONE DAY LEAD US ALL TO HAPPINESS!"  
  
"JUSTICE.UM.WILL ONE DAY CRUSH ITS OPPONENTS AND BATHE THEIR FAMILIES IN THE FIRES OF DIVINE HELL!!"  
  
Amelia paused. "We'll work on it," she promised, patting him on the shoulder.  
  
Off at the other end of the restaurant, Xellos watched and blinked in shock. "Filia san.how could you do this to your own son!?" he demanded, turning to the golden dragon smiling next to him.  
  
"Scott chan needs to find his own path. I'm just showing him what options he has."  
  
Xellos' eye twitched. "And.this.is an OPTION?!"  
  
"Hmmph!" was Filia's reply.  
  
Sitting nearby, Lina raised her head as she noticed someone walking by the nearby window. She stood up. "Well it's about time she got here."  
  
The door opened, and Sylphiel Nels Lahda entered the restaurant. "Hello, everyone!" she greeted with a smile. "Sorry I'm late, but the priest at the shrine of one of the villages I passed through needed some help."  
  
"Oi! Hi, Sylphiel!" Gourry greeted with a wave.  
  
The shrine maiden blushed. "Hello, Gourry sama."  
  
Meanwhile, Amelia was demonstrating another pose to Scott. "So, all you do is lift your leg like this and."  
  
"Miss Amelia?"  
  
"Yes, Scott?"  
  
The Mazoku/Ryuuzoku teen just blinked, staring. "Who.is that total babe?!"  
  
"Huh?" Amelia followed his gaze. "You mean Miss Sylphiel?"  
  
"Sylphiel," he repeated in a whisper. "Sounds.Sairain."  
  
"Yeah, she's from Sairaag," Amelia told him. "Now, then, like I was saying, you just have to.Scott?"  
  
The Mazoku, however, was gone.  
  
  
  
"Oh! Gourry sama!" Sylphiel cried, suddenly remembering something. She started to root around in her pack. "Along the way I stopped at Toleo's."  
  
Gourry's eyes lit up. "TOLEO'S PIZZA?!"  
  
"What's Toleo's?" Lina asked with an arched eyebrow.  
  
"It's a pizza place Sylphiel and I used to go to when we were kids!" Gourry exclaimed.  
  
Sylphiel nodded in agreement and pulled a white-wrapped package out of her bag. "I got you a calzone, Gourry sama. We can share it."  
  
Before Gourry could answer, someone else spoke up.  
  
"Why, hello there."  
  
Sylphiel blinked and turned to see a man wearing a black tuxedo standing behind her. "Um.Hello?" she said with a smile. "Um.Have we met?"  
  
"The name'sh Mettalium," Scott said in some odd accent. "Shcott Mettallium."  
  
"Oh," Sylphiel said with an unsure nod. "That's.nice. I'm Sylphiel."  
  
Scott took her hand and kissed her knuckles. "Xen pablazash natoius, Sylphiel."  
  
The shrine maiden blinked in surprise and smiled. "You know some of the Sairrain dialect," she noted.  
  
"Impressed yet?" he asked. 


End file.
